Tonight we have a babysitter. It's a new kind of freedom, really. I am extremely grateful for everyone who has babysat for us as favors, but I think from now on we are going to limit the 'favor' babysitting and just start paying for it, and here's why: the guilt. Unless you have a trading situation set up, you really can't avoid feeling a little bit guilty for leaving your kid(s) with someone who is getting nothing out of it. Unless it's your parents and then it's okay because you know they just want to be with their grandkids (am I right? I'm right.)
But getting a babysitter every once in a while, if not every week, is key to the survival of your sanity and marriage during the early years of parenthood. I remember before I ever had a kid, looking at all the frazzled parents and wondering why they weren't jumping on my babysitting offers. Why wouldn't you want to get out of the house away from the crying/whining/fighting/whathaveyou for a few hours to feel like a normal person again?
But here's the thing: it's actually kind of sad leaving your kids behind--unless of course you've absolutely HAD it with them. Particularly with the first baby (like I know anything else), which when you first bring him/her home and your life is eating/sleeping/breathing new baby, you kind of forget how to talk about anything else and forget leaving your baby with someone else! A stranger who doesn't know what each cry means or how to do things in the EXACT SPECIFIC way that your baby likes them done...unheard of.
And here's the next thing: perhaps it is POSSIBLE, that a non-family babysitter is capable. Even if she's only 14 years old. Perhaps, just maybe, she won't kill your baby. Not to say that unfortunate accidents don't happen, but leave that aside. You can't spend your life worrying about freak accidents because no matter where you are or what you do something can always happen. My point here is the I think new parents can easily fall into the trap of never going out because they don't think that another person can handle the baby. But if you think about it, it's not about capability, it's more about control. You have gotten used to your routine with your baby and you know what things work and what things don't, and most of the time it's just easier to stay home and do things yourself rather than relinquish the control.
But seriously, you have to. You need to have moments alone with your spouse outside the house, away from the kids. My parents were a good example to me in this, always going out every Friday night for date night. Aaron and I have carried on that tradition, although it got tricky for awhile there with our budget and our fuss-budget. And we always relied on favors for babysitting, so we didn't do it very much. But no more! I have whipped out the babysitting list and called several willing girls (all willing, not all available) and found one for tonight. And let me tell you, I have been looking forward to this ALL DAY LONG.
By the by, how much do you all pay for babysitters? (Jo: "Don't EVEN get me started!!!!")
9 comments:
jake got us a babysitter for tonight- so fun to go out. we have a girl in our ward who we love. if she couldn't do it, i don't know who we would use. we should probably branch out a bit, but it is a little scary when you don't know the girls that well. we always try to pay well (which is probably good, considering we have 3 kids and all) but i'm not sure if it is comparable or not. also, it is so expensive! just the babysitter and dinner could be around $50 for the night. anyways, glad you guys can have fun. and we haven't had too many bad b-sitting experiences yet. although we did use to use another girl and we would come home late the kids would still be awake. find chocolate smeared throughout the house. and a poop stain in the middle of the living room floor. we don't use that babysitter anymore, but at least the kids were all still alive:) sorry for the long comment!
We almost never get a babysitter for a different reason. I HATE HATE HATE making those phone calls, asking teenage girls to give up their weekend evening to spend with our crowd.
If a babysitting job falls within the standard range, anywhere from two to four hours, I kind of always just pay twenty bucks. At times I've asked girls their rates, and they just say "Whatever you want/can afford." So I stopped asking. Once I came home to find my house straightened up and I paid that sitter generously.
I remember that I loved babysitting when I was younger - it meant I'd get some dough!! I have absolutely no idea how much I charged, though, sorry. But I'm glad to hear you guys got out! You'll have to tell us all about your awesome date. I'll remember your advice once our baby comes. :)
So, I do remember that you did wedding flowers and had a question for you: did you get a floral license (so you could buy flowers from wholesalers) or did you just buy flowers full price? If you did get a license, how much did it cost, how long did it last, and where did you get it?
It makes it really hard to go out when you know that half the money will be spent on babysitting alone. We pay $6 which I feel is outrageous considering I used to get like $3, but apparently we're on the cheap end. A lot of ladies pay $8. I'm not doing it, I can't afford it, my kids are really good, plus they go to bed within the first hour and then the girl just sits around and watches TV.
Oh yeah, just wait 'til you have 3+ kids. Then you'll be out on this wonderful date, and on your way home your heart just sinks when you realize in a few minutes the date will be over, you'll be parents again, and even though you were out late, your kids will be waking you up at 6am. We need a weekend away, I think.
We totally found a couple in our ward that we trade off with. I end up watching their girl more than they watch our boy, but it's so nice to know there will be a couple of hours every weekend that I can just drop him off. :) I was a way cheap sitter. Maybe I was a pushover. Maybe I still am... But I usually just let the parents decide how much to pay me. I was usually too tired to add up how much I thought was fair, so I just took what i was given.
Amen, Heidi, Amen! Parents need time away for sure! We haven't had to pay a sitter yet because we can still use aunts and grandparents- and like you said, they just want to play with the kids. I would probably pay anywhere from $15 - $20 unless we were gone for an especially long amount of time.
When I was a teenager I used to get $5/hour from the rich family down the street, but their kids were awful (and they were rich). Currently we pay about the equivalent of $10, although at that rate we can get college-educated instructors. With one kid who hopefully sleeps most of the time and a 14 year old, you could probably get away with $10-15 if you weren't out too late. You do want them to come back though. Or maybe you don't. In Houston, we found it difficult to find reliable 14-year olds.
Well good for you! I am a strong believer of what your parents do because mine never did! They hardly had date night no more than once a month. In fact that is one of my pet peeves I didn't dare to mention because I didn't want to offend anyone more than I already had. And I know that is a touchy one when a new mother doesn't let her child go to a date night. I think I would be more than willing to! Working with kids every day and every sunday (I teach primary) I easily am burned out. That and I'm the last one to have a baby out of anyone I know- I swear everyone has them or is having one. So that being said that I easily get burned out and I also learn and watch and I know I want to continue date night without kids as my husband and I have started and hope to continue when we do have kids. I just think it is a form of therapy, I don't know how mothers don't!
But hay what do I know entirely I have none yet. And thankfully I'd like to keep it that way for another year. Not sure why people jump right into having one. I feel couples need to build the relationship first. We shall see how and what I do when I have one right??
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