Moral of the story: Don't put too much thought or effort into your blogs.
It seems that whenever I do, no one cares to comment on it (which is my gauge for how interesting that particular post was). But when I ramble on about something as trivial as a toothbrush, everyone has something to say.
That being said, today's topic: Clingy Baby
My kid has entered the world hall of fame for clingiest baby. And I am frazzled. He cries whenever I leave the room for even a second, unless he is quick enough to crawl after me. When we're in the same room, he has to be right next to me. Thus, naptime has become horrendous, seeing as he has to be away from me to nap. My kid is a very particular napper. Maybe it's my fault, but there you have it. I can usually figure things out when he changes and throws off the system, but this clinginess is getting me at my wits end. He won't nap unless he cries for a good half hour at least first. And then he only naps for less than an hour. Call me a softie, but it's hard to listen to your baby bawl his eyes out because he can't be with you. So I'm probably making it worse because after about 20 minutes of crying, I usually go in to check on him.
The problem is that all the extra crying time is extending the naptime period to 1-2 hours longer, and believe you me there is no resting being done, on either end. This is problematic mostly for church, which starts at 11. We put him down at 9 and he won't fall asleep until like 10:30. But then we have to go to church! And of course church is awful due to that.
All you mothers out there...any suggestions? I have tried everything...extending his winding-down routine, giving him bottles, soothing him, white noise, etc.
15 comments:
Um... I guess Sean does the same thing. I decided early on in his life that I wasn't going to answer his cries unless he was sick or hurt himself in his efforts to get out of that situation. Now he just fusses a little bit, then sucks his thumb, grabs the corner of his blankie and falls asleep. He did go through extra crying when his teeth were growing. Will just has to learn how to soothe himself, or grow out of the attachment phase. Maybe wait longer to check on him. like 30 minutes. ? It sounds so mean, but it must be necessary. Or maybe he's done with morning naps because he says so. :)
It's just a phase.
I dunno; I'm not a mother. Maybe try putting him down at 8 instead of 9?
Our church time doesn't sort-of eclipse our baby's naptime, it completely covers it. Sometimes all you can do (for Sundays, at least) when naptime meets certain doom is make friends with your fellow foyer-dwellers and see if naptime can be rescheduled for after church- for all three of you (if not, take turns!). I've found that before I can find some kind of "permanent" solution to these things, the church schedule changes, the baby's schedule changes, or something else comes up. In seven more months, you'll be putting Will in the nursery.
The 11-2 slot is death. I know, that's what we're on right now too. I have to say though, to some degree, it is probably a phase. Separation anxiety is pretty strong at this age and it's said that it peaks at about a year. Since Will is very smart, he's probably peaking. Sometimes if I really want Max to take a nap, I try to do some things to really wear him out- take him outside, give him a long bath, get him up earlier. Then before the nap I sort of wind him down- drink, story, song, rock. It doesn't always work, but it helps.
no advice- sometimes i don't like to give advice because honestly, as a mom, half the time i don't know what i'm talking about. i just make it up as i go. but i do feel bad for you though. jada was a clingy little baby, but that wasn't too bad because i could just put her in the backpack and she was by me and happy. but will is a little older than jada was at her clingy stage. so i'm sorry:)
I have no suggestions whatsoever.
I would try for only one nap a day. I know it sounds like a terrible idea but once they get used to it and get over the crankiness, it usually helps them to sleep longer. We have 11:30 church and Mads is a crank for most of it but she takes a great nap when we get home. Good luck!
My Bible for babies is this page from this book I got from a formula company when David was born. The page is from "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" (this book might be helpful for you--I read it a long time ago) and it tells the typical amount of sleep a baby needs at different ages. So a 9-month-old typically sleeps 11 hours at night and 3 hours during the day, during two naps. A 12-month-old takes shorter naps and sleeps a little longer at night for a total of 13 3/4 hours. So I guess I would aim for somewhere in there and if you have to wake him up earlier in the morning to get him to take an earlier morning nap, then maybe that will work for you. I'd worry less about the clinginess and more about finding a better sleep schedule. But it is hard when you have to commit to a certain schedule and keeping him up late in the evenings when you're out can mess things up. And church never works very well. Or maybe he is getting ready for a major developmental step and I've noticed that babies can be extra difficult right before that.
Maybe try reverse psychology and follow Will everywhere he goes and hang on his legs. I give it a day before he runs from the house screaming. No but really, Im sorry, that is so hard because you cant get ANYTHING done when their like that! When I go babysit Caleb, I plan on it being a very unproductive day. He just sits in my lap the whole time.
Before I say anything- just know that a lot of moms do not agree with what I am about to say. If you are one of them- I will not be even a tiny bit offended.
I think, in general, babies know what they need when it comes to food, sleep and entertainment- they just lack the ability to express their needs to us. I tried so hard to put Emma on a schedule for feeding and sleeping because I had so many women tell me that was the best thing for her. I was at my wits end- completely engorged, totally exhausted and alone when something that my mother-in-law told me finally clicked. She said to stop worrying about what the clock said and start worrying about what my child said. It seemed so simple- but it truly worked wonders for me.
Will will eat when he is hungry, he will play when he needs stimulation, and he will snuggle when he needs love and companionship. Also- he will sleep when he is tired. If he is not tired, perhaps he does not need a nap. If he is feeling insecure, perhaps he needs some extra snuggles.
If I were in this situation, I would not try to put Will down until he started acting tired. When he starts drooping his head and rubbing his eyes and giving other signs that his engine has finally worn down, that is when I would give him a good squeeze and a kiss and put him down for a nap. If he is already tired and ready for a nap, those cries will quiet down within minutes rather than hours.
As for the clinging- it is a phase- but I won't say 'just' a phase because it is an incredibly frustrating phase. Just try talking to him from wherever you go without him so that he can hear you. That might help, but maybe not. He just needs your presence a little bit more for the next little while.
Sorry to write a novel- I hope it helps. Keep up the good work- your little family is lovely.
To bolster your self worth, I will leave a comment, even though I have little to add by way of good advice. I think Sheralie does most of the work on getting naps down. I just come in and read to them sometimes before they go to sleep and they fall right asleep.
Does Aaron have any access to that gas dentists use to put people under? Would that be wrong to use?
All these comments are great, but I thought I'd add one more "tip". My friend puts a basket of toys in her crib that aren't noisy, such as books, toy cars, etc. during nap time/bed time. Her girl plays and then eventually falls asleep, no crying involved. As long as he can't choke on any of the toys I don't see a problem w/ it! I've tried it w/ Zach lately during nap time and it helps calm him down.
I know how hard it is--not knowing what else to do. I've found that as time goes, the kids discover their schedule and it's my job to watch for the signs and be consistent. Good luck!
I agree with Pete. Use the gas.
My oldest was really clingy. I could never leave her side. Then I had a second child. The first 3-4 months were hard due to jelousy and what not, but after that life was so much easier. They play together and entertain each other. So there's my solution, have another kid. In 9 months, problem solved!
Read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. You'll get a lot of good ideas even if you don't follow it exactly. Clyn was a hard child to train, but he's a great sleeper now. Our other kids haven't seemed to be as bad when it comes to sleep, but it seems like there is a period in there when you decide what you're going to take and after the baby gets used to it, things smooth out.
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